I remember exactly how I felt arriving at my first grief group. Four weeks after losing Richard, we pulled into the parking lot. I felt petrified, scared, broken, mad, and in disbelief that this was my life and that I was arriving at this place because my son was no longer here. I walked through the front door of the building and broke down. I told my husband that I didn't think I could do it. However, I knew that I wanted and desperately needed help if I were ever to survive losing my son.

What was going on with my emotions? They were all over the place. I managed to muster up enough courage to go into the meeting area and sit down. I felt like I was in a fog. Life and everyone in it were just continuing on. Why were these people smiling? Wasn't this a grief group? I sat in my chair and cried the entire time. Why wasn't everyone in the room crying? I thought that they surely must not have had that same special connection that I did with my son, nor could they have had the immense love I had for Richard, or wouldn't they be in broken pieces like me? I remember hearing the stories of others' losses. Some were new like mine, and some had been 20 or more years. Here came the roller coaster of emotions, fear, anger, panic..... Why were these people still coming 20 years later? I sat feeling scared, numb, hopeless, and defeated and thought to myself that I was never going to feel better. Making it through to the end of the group, I decided that I would attend the following week, the week after, and the week after. I continued going for the entire 8-week session.

I can now say that I am thankful for attending and learning the stages of grief and understanding that everything that I was experiencing and thinking was normal and that I wasn't going crazy. I connected with some amazing moms who had experienced the loss of their adult children as I had. Remember the ones who were smiling? I understand now that they could smile again because God had already been working in their lives, and they love their children just as much. They were there to support a newly bereaved mom—-me. They continue to be a major part of my healing process to this day. To share a common bond with someone who understands exactly what you are feeling and experiencing is so powerful in the healing process. You see, my pain will never go away, and I will never "get over it"; I will continue to learn how to live with it daily, and yes, I have learned to smile again. It takes a lot of work; grief is exhausting.

If my story feels familiar with your loss, your grief is all-consuming, the pain is beyond description, you find it challenging to find the will to carry on everyday life, know that we are here to help you through your grief and to give you hope, encouragement, and support. Contact us for help through your journey.