I Carry You With Me Always
Susan’s Grief Group Testimony
The Beginning of Grief Support Changed Everything
I will never forget how I felt arriving at my first grief support group, just four weeks after Richard’s death.
We pulled into the parking lot of a place I never imagined I would be. I got out of the car and just stood there, petrified, broken, angry, and in complete disbelief that this was now my life. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that I was here because my son was no longer here.
After what felt like forever, my legs became steady enough to walk toward the building. As soon as I stepped inside, I broke down again. I told my husband I didn’t think I could do it. But deep down, I knew I needed help, desperately, if I was going to survive the loss of my son.
My emotions were all over the place. I felt like I was in a fog. Life outside seemed to be moving on as if nothing had happened, and I couldn’t understand how that was possible. When I entered the room, I noticed people talking… even smiling. I remember thinking, How could anyone smile in a place like this?
I sat in my chair and cried the entire time. I couldn’t understand why others weren’t falling apart the way I was. I wondered if they could possibly have loved as deeply as I loved Richard. How could they not be as shattered as I was?
As I listened, I heard stories of loss, some as recent as mine, and others from 20 years ago. That realization brought a wave of fear, anger, and panic. Why are they still here after 20 years? I thought. Does that mean I will feel this way forever?
When it came time to introduce ourselves, I couldn’t speak. Through tears and broken breaths, I managed only a few words. A kind woman came and sat beside me and gently shared with the group my name and that my son had died. Even though I cried the entire time, I listened. I heard the facilitator. I heard the stories. And for the first time since Richard’s death… I didn’t feel completely alone.
That night, I made a decision, one I didn’t fully understand at the time, to come back the following week. And the week after that. I completed the entire eight-week program, never missing a session.
I am so thankful I walked through those doors.
That group helped me begin to understand grief. It helped me realize that what I was feeling, every emotion, every thought, was normal. I wasn’t going crazy.
I connected with other moms who had experienced the death of their adult children. And those people I once questioned, the ones who were smiling and even laughing, I began to understand them. They loved their children just as deeply as I loved Richard. They were further along in their grief, and they were living proof that it was possible to feel joy again. They were there for me.
To this day, those women remain a meaningful part of my life and my healing journey.
There is something incredibly powerful about sitting with people who truly understand your grief, who don’t need explanations, who simply get it. That connection becomes part of how you begin to heal and rebuild.
My pain has not disappeared. It never will. But it has changed. It is less intense and more manageable most days. I have learned how to carry my grief as life continues to move forward. I have found moments of joy again. I have learned to smile. I have learned to live.
Getting to this place didn’t happen overnight. It took time, support, and continued effort. I attended many more support groups and participated in one-on-one counseling for years. Grief is exhausting work, but learning how to carry your grief and continue to find hope and restored joy is possible.
If my story feels familiar…
If your grief feels all-consuming…
If the pain feels beyond what you can carry…
Please know, you are not alone.
We are here to walk alongside you.
The hardest thing I’ve ever had to hear was that my child died. The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do is live every day since that moment.
Child loss
is not an event,
it is an
indescribable journey
of
survival.
MAKE A DIFFERENCE